"Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put in charge of many things. Come and share in your master's happiness!"
in a renewed effort to blog, i've started a new wordpress blog site. you can find me at park21.wordpress.com. for my very few readers out there, come along for the ride. for those that read via subscription emails, sorry to complicate life for you.
i made it out to new york. it's been a really good couple of days so far, meeting people and getting situated at the church. i'm interning at new life fellowship in queens (elmhurst) and i'm also living at the church. i've enjoyed meeting the staff and getting connected with drew hyun has been great. my room is modest, but nice. i have a bed and closet and bathroom so i can't complain. and you can't beat the commute.
so on to the important stuff...what am i learning out here. in a couple days, God already taught me so much. i think He's opening my heart to things i've known (and even taught) but never really wrapped myself around. what it means to slow down and be in relationship with him. what it means to trust him. what it means to love people because of Christ. what it means to be saved by God's grace and the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
last night i went to a class that pastor pete taught on the book of galatians. it was amazing. i've been going over the first session that i missed last week and it's like hearing the gospel for the first time. but really hearing it, you know? that we're saved by God's grace and that what Jesus Christ has done and who He is is what we hold onto and trust in and look to for our sufficency and worth.
i used to think that it was too simplistic to say that all our problems stem from not understanding the gospel. but it's SO true. my struggles with other people are from not fully understanding the gospel. my struggles within myself come from straying away or never fully accepting who i am in Christ. earning approval and doing the right things and being liked have always been high on my priority list. but those are just ways to compensate for what i already have in Christ. there's a good quote that i read: "we avoid Jesus by trying to avoid sin." we try and do it on our own. our own righteousness. our own merit. our own penance for guilt and sin. but then if i do that, i avoid Christ and the gospel.
someone prayed over me recently that i need to speak from my heart and share the gospel with people. not simply convey knowledge, but preach the gospel. and that this needs to come from my heart and not my head. i'll admit that speaking from my head is a lot more comfortable...that speaking from the heart will take some working out. but i feel like i'm on the right track. maybe the first thing that needs to happen is that i really need to discover the gospel in my own heart fully. not to "be ready to preach" but simply because that's what a new life in Christ is about.
i've never really like running. my excuse was always that it was boring or not as fun as playing a sport or that i wasn't "built" to run. but i do it because it's supposed to be good for me and other people do it and some even really enjoy it. so the other day i set out to run the 3-mile course at the rose bowl on nice sunny afternoon. conditions were great and i enjoyed the first mile or so. i was glad that i could keep up with the people that looked like they were runners and secretly happy that i was faster than some. this wasn't as bad as i remembered. maybe i'll really get it shape after all, i thought. but then it happened...i hit the wall. actually i just saw the wall and got discouraged. so i stopped jogging and started walking. but then i felt weak sauce because that older lady with the colorful outfit was not catching up to me. so i start running again. a few stop and starts later i finally make it back to the car. and i didn't feel that bad, like i really accomplished something worthwhile.
the next day i decide to capitalize on my newfound motivation for health and physical prowess and try jogging around the neighborhood. i figured that the day before was a pretty good experience and that was motivation enough to try again. but this time around was so different. muscles started to get sore. the terrain was not nearly as level. even the music on my ipod didn't help the fact that i wasn't really enjoying this...in fact, i was hating running.
day three rolls around and i think about running. discipline, i tell myself, is the hallmark of success. but my motivation level had tanked and i figured there were better things that i could be doing. besides, then i had to change and put on socks and shoes and then shower after and so on.... not worth it. there had to be a better way...
so yeah, the preacher in me looks back on this and thinks about how this relates to the way we see our spiritual lives and the disciplines that help our relationship with God. i can think of so many that would want a vibrant relationship with God and a clear understanding of his will and to live as one who loves and forgives and heals and gives in the name of Christ. and we figure that there are things that we can do to help us on that task...fill in whatever you want here. and maybe the first day goes well. the motivation is excitement. and then we go on to day two. the motivation then is the experience from the day before. but day two is usually not the same as day one. so we get discouraged. maybe some of us pump out a day three or four out of discipline...but it doesn't seem to be getting us where we want to go. and discouragement sets in.
i always figured that the way i was running was wrong or the place that i was running should change. but i know it's not like that in how we seek God in our daily lives. i mean, we might try different things in different ways but really it's about seeking God and wanting to love God and experience the love of God. did you ever find yourself looking for that next great devotional book that was really going to do for it for you this time?
i could not love running and be ok. i might do it once in a while but i probably won't like it. it scares me that a relationship with Christ could becomes something even close to that. i would hate that. i want to love God and seeking God. maybe the motivation needs to be about more than just excitement, experience, or even discipline. maybe the simplest answer is to love God and to love others in our daily loves. and above all to know that God loves us.
so you're probably noticing a new look to this xanga. i had a desire to blog again, and rather than starting from scratch, i thought i would make some changes to this one.
seems appropriate for my life right now... a lot is different but a lot is still the same. for those who may not know, i stepped down as the youth pastor at Holliston (Dream Church) at the end of june. it was a difficult step, but one that i know that God was leading. the last six years have been amazing, and the students, teachers, and everyone else that God has brought into my life over that time have been such a huge blessing to me. i'll probably write more about that later.
so where am i going? new york. can you believe it? God has opened the opportunity for me to intern at a church called New Life Fellowship Church for a year. i'm really excited and really nervous...but mostly excited. this is a church that i've been a fan of from afar and now i get to be a part of their ministry for a short term. so yeah, more on that to come later also.
so for the last month while i've been "on vacation" people have asked me how i feel now that i've stepped down from pastoring at overflow. one person in particular phrased it this way: "how does it feel not to be a pastor anymore?" the question was jarring. i know what he meant, how did it feel not to be pastoring a specific ministry...not being the formal "pastor mike" for a while. it made sense, and he didn't mean anything by it. but it didn't sit well with me. if anything, because it made me realize how much of my identity as a pastor was wrapped up in what i did as a youth pastor. and maybe how people saw me as a pastor because of what i did and because of the position that was given to me in the church. and now i don't have that anymore.
i'm kinda glad for that. it's made me really think about what it means for me to be called. i'm still a pastor...not for any reason other than God has chosen to use a fool like me in his ministry. but more importantly, i'm still a christian. and as funny as it sounds, that's something pastors can forget. so i'm hoping the next year (and more) can be a time where God can teach me in new ways what it means to follow him. i'm hoping that not being called "pastor" can help me to understand better what it means to live and serve as one.
so xanga, i'm back... a little different, but still the same.
maybe you've never heard of rich mullins. he was a christian singer and songwriter who died in an accident in the late 90's. he wrote amazing songs - "hold me, Jesus", "awesome God", "if i stand" just to name a few - that overflow with genuine relationship and love for Jesus. in college i saw this video about his life and it stamped something on my heart about this man. i was deeply impressed by his love for God and the way he pursued God in his life.
so today i googled to see if i could get a copy of this video and found out the whole thing is on youtube. you can search under "Homeless Man: Rich Mullins" or just watch the first part of the video below. it's in 6 parts and you can watch the whole thing. again, you may have no idea who this guy is or heard his music, but watch it if you can. it'll stir your heart.
christians spend a lifetime talking and sharing about a relationship with Jesus. but when you see a glimpse of someone actually living that out, it fills your soul and makes you want a pint of what he's having (watch the video and you'll get what i mean). i didn't know the guy and i don't know much beyond the songs and the video...but it makes me think about the kind of depth in our relationship with Jesus that i think God wants for all of us and that's exciting.
and here's some lyrics to a great song, "hold me, Jesus":
Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
